Several billionaire accomplices in Epstein’s sex-trafficking ring are reportedly racing each other to try and get immunity deals for ratting out Trump and everyone else.
Top GOP officials are reportedly complaining that “weak, disloyal women” in the House and Senate will let their “hormones and empathy for abused children” convince them to vote with Democrats to release the evidence that Trump was a ringleader in the sex-trafficking.
Billionaires around the world are reportedly freaking out after France, Poland, the UK, and Lithuania launched major investigations into Epstein’s operation because their prosecutors will not censor everything like Pam Bondi and Todd Blanche did.
A new poll found that 93% of Americans approve of confiscating the wealth of every criminal in the Epstein Files and paying off the national debt or expanding healthcare access.
A top GOP official in Texas says, “It looks like we fucked ourselves with our gerrymandering. We watered down all the red districts to steal as many blue ones as possible, and now the electorate hates us and our turnout is collapsing.”
Trump reportedly got furious with his lawyers after they suggested arguing to the DOJ that the allegations of him choking Epstein victims couldn’t possibly be true because his hands are too small.
When Trump demanded his lawyers sue Epstein’s estate for giving up all the emails, his lawyers asked if he realized that meant all the emails would have to be revealed for trial without DOJ redactions, and then Trump folded his arms tightly across his chest, frowned, and made a wet, bubbly sound from his butt.
A just discovered email in the latest batch of Epstein Files is from Epstein to Ghislaine Maxwell complaining that when Trump stays the night in his mansion it’s easier just to burn the bedsheets than get the lingering stench and brown stains out.
The National Association of Pedophiles that awarded Donald Trump their 2025 “Pedophile of the Year” award are upset Trump won’t accept the trophy they made for him when he demands the trophy for every other award in the world.
A growing protest movement is calling for boycotting filing taxes until all Epstein Files are released because we are funding a government apparently controlled by sex-trafficking pedophile murderers blackmailing Trump, the GOP, the media, Congress, banks, and tech companies.
OPINION: How about Democrats fund a secret police force that wears masks and goes door-to-door arresting all the criminals in the Epstein Files and shooting anyone who gets in the way 10 times?
Hundreds of top Trump staffers, members of Congress, CEOs, bank executives, and other rich people woke up, ate breakfast with their families, and went to work today relieved that Pam Bondi and Todd Blanche are hiding the photos and videos of them raping and snuffing kids.
Trump is reportedly terrified of one House Republican switching parties to suddenly give Democrats majority control and subpoena power to finally reveal all the Epstein Files, and hold him and all the rapists, murderers, and blackmailed traitors accountable.
Top GOP officials are reportedly begging several female Republican House members not to switch parties and give majority control to Democrats so they can impeach Pam Bondi, subpoena all the Epstein Files, and reveal all the pedophile rapists and murderers.
Another movie theatre in Philadelphia interrupted a screening of the Melania documentary halfway through and started projecting screenshots of the Epstein Files detailing Donald Trump’s rape allegations.
James Comer is reportedly terrified because he only demanded that the Clintons testify to impress Donald Trump, but, now that the Clintons are agreeing to testify and demanding it be televised, he has no idea what they might say or how much it might incriminate Trump.
A mob boss reportedly burst into laughter when he heard Trump say he and Bill Clinton “understood each other” and exclaimed, “He sounds exactly like us when we’re hinting at someone not to rat on us because of mutually assured destruction.”
Trump is reportedly furious that House Republicans got outplayed by the Clintons, and now they might out him as a psychopath pedophile on live television.
Guests at Mar-a-Lago say Trump is giving off “Jim Jones vibes” now that so many foreign countries are investigating Epstein’s accomplices and he has no control over their evidence redactions.
